The kids are all right

The kiddos have been doing well. Miss M is doing well in school as are the boys.

an intern's thanks

I spent this Thanksgiving working from Thursday 6 am to Friday 12 pm. For the first month after reviewing my schedule for the holiday season, I felt bitter. Not only did I land a call night on Thanksgiving but I also ended up with three 'black' weekends, where I work all weekend long spending Saturday night without a pause before charging on into the next week. The days morph together in a disoriented shuffle. I simply become unaware of where I am and acutely aware of where I am not.

I expressed these deeper somewhat dismal thoughts to my co-intern today as the doors of the hospital soundlessly slid open and we made our way home. Not terribly coherent, but nevertheless heartfelt I tried to explain that in my 1/2 second of reflection yesterday between endless pages ranging from the ridiculous ('seriously, your kid hasn't pooped in how long? 6 hours? And you really think he needs a glycerine chip in his bottom?!') to the heart wrenching, a non-accidental trauma (read child abuse) case who brain started herniating, I came up with nothing. A bit of a numb feeling. I'm grateful for... working unbelievable hours? Missing my family on this holiday? Not knowing the small details of my children's lives that weave together to create their present worries, triumphs and fears. No I decided, while I certainly am grateful for the material items in my life: having a house, plenty of food, a car that gets me to work (when I have time to stop to get gas). And while certainly thankful for my children's health, I am undeniably bitter that I spend more time caring for some 'social hospitalization' than I do with my own. I choked down turkey filled sobs during the few minutes I shared with my husband after he brought me leftovers in the hospital noting to him that I find myself crying if I ever stop to think about how I feel. It's easier to be numb.

My co-intern (a childless, yet married guy likely 3 years my junior) nodded. But he turned to me saying
'Well I didn't have to look far yesterday to find things to be thankful for. It crossed my mind several times yesterday that I wouldn't want to trade shoes with anyone else who was here in the hospital yesterday. In every case, from the janitor to the patient dying of CF to the cafeteria server, I was thankful that I had the opportunity to serve, to help and to possibly add more to someone's life on a holiday.' **I'm parphrasing here as he managed to say it even more eloquently than I can manage**

It made me pause. In past years, it is always relationships for which I find myself most grateful on Thanksgiving and having the opportunity to spend the holiday with the people I love simply reinforces this truth. My relationships are suffering this internship year. While my children are thriving, I am disconnected from them more than ever. Which makes my title as momma feel tenuous and my role as mother perfunctory. Messing with my relationships, such a huge part of what I base my whole personhood, my success in life and my happiness, is embittering. But his comment reminded me of what I did get to do yesterday that I normally don't: I fed a failure to thrive panhypopit baby because his mom left the hospital to celebrate with friends and family. I rocked a terrified child until he collapsed into sleep after an IV attempt gone poorly and I spent time cross covering other people whom I normally don't encounter because of the holidays. While my personal relationships are undoubtedly suffering during my training, I occasionally need reminders that other relationships (physician/patient, nurse/physician) are growing. And while the ability to offer hope, to reassure parents, and to order the gd glycerine chip may not completely fill me up, the sense of service and the acknowledgment of how much I have learned are reasons to give thanks and perhaps for me to feel a little less grinchy this holiday season

H goes to K

Mimi and Poppa accompanied H on his first day at the 'frog' school. H's elementary school's mascot is a frog. This pleases H to no end and refers to his school as the frog school. He's quite pleased with himself and his teachers.

Summer Pics

This summer:

we moved houses

I started work

E christened himself 'swimmer' and refused to recognize any other alias

we took the kids to see their first live concert

all in all it was a quiet summer

Fin

Lots of excitement here for the big day. It was held in the large auditorium on campus. And while that allowed for plenty of guests, it also meant tons of space for the kids to run around. I missed the entire ceremony as I too preoccupied with tracking the kids as the skittered throughout the second deck, peering over the edge to wave. But the end result was the same, I walked across the stage, hood bestowed, diploma hot it hand.

Visit to the Gardens

The next crocodile dundee?

Mimi and miss M

miss M gets a lift from Daaa-dee

We recently made a little trip to Brookgreen Gardens in South Carolina. It was a beautiful day and we had a great time exploring the creeks (looking at alligators!), the sculpture gardens and the kids' discovery room.

H on the lookout

me (and more impressive the trees in the background)

in silhouette

observing the giant dinosaur at the natural history museum from a safe distance...

photo credit: Lala

the picture flop

as the boys get older, they have become accustomed to the camera's frame. A chorusing buzz of 'cheezzzz' can be heard anytime there is a camera in sight. A smile is a rarity to catch on film- so in an exercise of patience and parenting, we attempted another photo session. Miss M was utterly terrified of the photographer and kept suspecting that she would likely be kidnapped at any given second. No need to fret: With the performance Miss M gave, she can rest assured that the poor photographer's last thought in the world was the take M home with her. While I don't have the any proofs, we have a few outtakes courtsey of Lala...

oh, to be a daddy

B and I had an enjoyable morning (after we resolved a few misunderstanding: NO! he didn't want his peanut butter sandwich cut out in the shape of dinosaurs! NO! He didn't want to eat it now, not now after I'd ruined it. etc...) but once, we settled down after a few friendly, early morning power struggles, B munched happily on his mangled sandwich.

A entered the kitchen and addressed B: 'Good morning, B! That looks like a great sandwich.'

B cheerfully chirps, 'Yes, I'm eating it alll up. I'm getting SO big. I'm getting big so that one day I can be a daddy, so I can play with sharp knives and drink BEER!'

Ahh, yes, the highlights of being an adult.

twins

My aunt was visiting awhile back. She and E were sharing a moment in the kitchen as she helped E to wash his hands. She attempts small talk with him:

Aunt: 'So, E, how do you like being a twin?'

E: 'Twin?! I'm not the twin. B is.'

...

snip, snip, sniff

the boys all underwent the razor to get the summer 'do. And while I am sure it is infinitely more comfortable with all the bike riding (helmet wearing) and other time spent outside, I miss those locks. Though their fuzz is soft and fun to run my hand across the top of their heads. And it has solved my daily battles with the bed head/cowlick from hell...

Making my day.

As I'm lying on the lower bunk singing song with B and E tonight before bedtime, E loudly squawks, 'Ooouch. Ouchouchouchouch.'

'E' I ask alarmed, 'what happened?'

'Ohhhhhh. My finnger. My poor, poor finger,' he wails.

I hold my breath waiting to see if this will escalate.

He continues groaning dramatically, 'Oh man!' [I stifle laughter as this phrase always sounds funny coming from him], 'I hurt my finger.'

'Well, does it need a kiss, E?'

'Yes,' [whimpering] 'it does'.

I start to haul myself up, untangling from the comforter when I hear,

[Smmmmmmmoooooooccccchhhhh]

I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Pilgrimage

We (the kids, me and the au pair) took an annual trip to SC, where we encountered significantly warmer weather than last year. Sand castles were built (and destroyed).

Most of us stayed very busy and were on the run nearly all of the time.

Oh yes, and we kept the golf cart shuttle man in business. Calling him each morning to come pick us up for our daily jaunt around the resort only to end up magically at Starbuckles each time for Momma's (third cup of) morning coffee and of course a little hot chocolate because all that golf cart riding and alligator watching was parching...

We had rad surfing moves as we attempted to freeze off limbs.

But mostly we had an amazing time. Hanging out, watching the wiggles, eating risotto and tiramisu and drinking vino (me not the kidlets of course...) They got the special treat of juice instead. A rare luxury.